Expectations Vs. Reality in Marriage

Today I have been married 533 days. That is roughly 1 year 5 months and 18 days. 

I used to think that my marriage would look and feel a certain way. I thought we would do and say specific things. I had an idea in my head of what I wanted our marriage to look like. That idea was largely influenced by a million romantic comedies. 

In the early months of our marriage, I started to notice that life was not a constant retelling of Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, Full House, or Tangled all the time.  I had a wonderful new husband who worked hard, opened doors for me, kissed me every morning, and spent all his free time with me, and even still I worried that something might be wrong with our married life and that caused me to worry about the intensity of my husbands love for me. 

The longer I'm married, the more I'm understanding that I signed up for marriage with Benjamin James Braziel.  I did not marry Flynn Rider or John Stamos or any other romanticized Romeo. I do not live in a castle or the enchanted forest.  We do not have thousands of dollars in disposable income or unlimited free time.

All these factors contribute to why my marriage with Ben Braziel is not like any marriage I could ever have with Flynn Rider or John Stamos. Even if I had waited all my life for Flynn Rider or John Stamos, they would never have come to sweep me away. As much as it saddens me to say this, Flynn Rider doesn't exist and John Stamos is old enough to be my father.

The crazy thing is real life is actually better. Even though we have full time jobs, we have debt, and we have human limitations, what we have is real and doing life together is extremely romantic! 

The fact is, Ben does love me intensely. He wouldn't have married me if he didn't! Ben shows his love for me in his own sweet, funny, realistic, financially responsible, time restrained way. If I had solely based my decision to be with Ben on whether or not he measured up to fictional characters, I would have missed out on the love of my life.  Sometimes he will even say, "Have mercy!" for me if I ask him, just like John Stamos. ;)

The sooner you stop trying to fit your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband into a fictional character mold, the better.  You've got to manage your expectations vs. reality. You and your mate will be a lot happier for it! It is actually sweeter than fiction the way that Ben loves me and it's unique! He cracks me up and makes my life amazing.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

We learned a lot about the subject of expectation vs. reality from Andy Stanley's iMarriage series.