Expectations Vs. Reality in Marriage

Today I have been married 533 days. That is roughly 1 year 5 months and 18 days. 

I used to think that my marriage would look and feel a certain way. I thought we would do and say specific things. I had an idea in my head of what I wanted our marriage to look like. That idea was largely influenced by a million romantic comedies. 

In the early months of our marriage, I started to notice that life was not a constant retelling of Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, Full House, or Tangled all the time.  I had a wonderful new husband who worked hard, opened doors for me, kissed me every morning, and spent all his free time with me, and even still I worried that something might be wrong with our married life and that caused me to worry about the intensity of my husbands love for me. 

The longer I'm married, the more I'm understanding that I signed up for marriage with Benjamin James Braziel.  I did not marry Flynn Rider or John Stamos or any other romanticized Romeo. I do not live in a castle or the enchanted forest.  We do not have thousands of dollars in disposable income or unlimited free time.

All these factors contribute to why my marriage with Ben Braziel is not like any marriage I could ever have with Flynn Rider or John Stamos. Even if I had waited all my life for Flynn Rider or John Stamos, they would never have come to sweep me away. As much as it saddens me to say this, Flynn Rider doesn't exist and John Stamos is old enough to be my father.

The crazy thing is real life is actually better. Even though we have full time jobs, we have debt, and we have human limitations, what we have is real and doing life together is extremely romantic! 

The fact is, Ben does love me intensely. He wouldn't have married me if he didn't! Ben shows his love for me in his own sweet, funny, realistic, financially responsible, time restrained way. If I had solely based my decision to be with Ben on whether or not he measured up to fictional characters, I would have missed out on the love of my life.  Sometimes he will even say, "Have mercy!" for me if I ask him, just like John Stamos. ;)

The sooner you stop trying to fit your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband into a fictional character mold, the better.  You've got to manage your expectations vs. reality. You and your mate will be a lot happier for it! It is actually sweeter than fiction the way that Ben loves me and it's unique! He cracks me up and makes my life amazing.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

We learned a lot about the subject of expectation vs. reality from Andy Stanley's iMarriage series.

Go Sports! Hit That Ball!

I have never cared about sports.  I have never understood why people get all loud and crazy when they root for their team or why people enjoy watching sports.  I have never played on a team for any sport or wanted to play on one. Thankfully, I even married a man who doesn't care about sports.  

Now that I'm married, I have finally found a sport that I love to play.  

Marriage is my favorite sport!!

Go team Braziel!!! 

Whooooooo! We are the best team everrrr! 

Finally a game that I can get invested in! We've gotta play hard and give it our best shot so we can win! 

Here's a glimpse into one of the plays in our daily playbook:

In the morning as soon as we wake up, Ben starts putting the ingredients in our blender for our green smoothie and I start making our coffee.  I open the fridge to get the ice to cool down our coffee and I'll hand him the bags of frozen spinach and banana for our smoothie (No, it doesn't taste horrible.) He starts the smoothie blending, proceeds to pour our the coffee, and put honey and creamer in my coffee.  Meanwhile, I have retrieved blankets and put  them over our blender (so that it's not so loud).  Then we find ourselves together again drinking our victory coffee while the smoothie blends and high-fiving each other on our successful teamwork.  We don't talk about this, it is just one of the plays in our playbook.  

We both know what it takes to win.  We know our role on the team and we work together to make it happen! We have several plays like this in our playbook.  A few others include straightening up the house, gathering and taking out the trash, packing for a trip, preparing dinner, etc. 

We have long term goals that we have set out to achieve together and we are working together to find balance in all aspects of our lives.   We work together as a team in order to win big in the areas of finances, sleep, exercise, healthy eating, spiritual life, romantic life, work, leisure, etc.  

 Lately, we have found ourselves saying things like, "Go team!" or "Good team work, babe!" after we have put these plays into action. Finally…I understand sports!  We have even started referring to our dog, Ruthie, as our mascot.  I say we need jerseys, but Ben is a little worried that our team colors would be a girly shade of mint or teal.  He's probably right.

As super bowl season approaches (...I think…or did that happen already?), remember to root not only for your favorite sports team, but also the team you formed on the day you got married.  Go team! 

Come and Listen

   One rainy evening a newly-wed husband drove down the road with his bride in silence.  The two of them exhausted, over-worked, underpaid, feeling down.  Just 6 months ago they were naive enough to believe that they would find meaningful work that would afford them what all newly-weds hope for: a life of their own with purpose and promise of greater things to come.  Now in the quiet moment of that car ride, the harsh realities of their first days had begun to weigh on them.  Retail and fast food were hardly the life they hoped for.  Several degrees and certifications among them, and still somehow, they couldn't even afford to fly the coup after their wedding.  In the quiet harshness of that moment, a song began to play.  

Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord. Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come. 

Let me tell you what He has done for me. Let me tell you what He has done for me, He has done for you, He has done for us.

The man's heart was uplifted and he cast a vision for him and his wife that one day, this song would be their story and they would share with all who would listen, what God has done for them.

That is our story.  The story of Jenny and Ben Braziel.  Come and listen.  Let me tell you what He has done for us.  God has worked miracles and blessed us tremendously since that gloomy night.  As we were driving home from our last meeting with our banker before we close on our brand new home, I was overwhelmed with how far God has taken us since that night.  We listened again to Come and Listen by David Crowder Band and this time we felt the reality of the vision that Ben had cast for us just a year and a half ago. We have since both been given wonderful jobs and have moved out on our own to Augusta, GA.  We will move into our brand new home in less than two weeks!

If you feel stuck and your circumstances have gotten the best of you.  I hope our story will be an encouragement to you, that even when things don't turn out just right at first, God is still on your side working out all the details.